her vagine was all disorganized.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
