I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
