I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
