I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
they're like a gay fantastic four
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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