everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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