I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
