how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
