are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
