Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
