Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
