I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
