Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
