Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
