My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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