we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
