you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
