my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
