i need an iv and a liver transplant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
