I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I haven't been this sober since birth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
