Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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