sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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