When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
