i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
