It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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