He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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