There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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