Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
