Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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