It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
