Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
