are you still at the devil's house?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
