So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
