Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Randomize
