I got chris browned last night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
