I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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