My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
