I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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