I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
