it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
