East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
