You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
