I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
