I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
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