saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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