i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
