I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
