we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
