Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
