the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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