I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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