All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
