last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
