Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
