So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
