She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
