i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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