I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
