Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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