I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
