"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
