Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
