theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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