did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
