we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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