It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
