My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
