i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Found the puke drawer
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
