I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
