Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
