do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
