think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
