if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
