We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
