Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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