The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
