you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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